My Story: How My Path Unfolded
From the time I was young, I had big dreams. By the age of four, music was my first love; I’d hold a hairbrush in front of my mirror, belting out country and broadway songs for hours. I was certain I’d become a world renowned singer with a perfect marriage, two sweet kids, and a furry cat that I’d name Babs (after Barbara Streisand, of course.) I’d be rich, happy, beautiful, and all my needs would be met. But as you’ve probably guessed, life didn’t unfold like that. It rarely does. I certainly couldn’t have guessed that pursuing a career in the creative arts would be as hard as it actually was. I didn’t anticipate being broke year after year, nor could I have predicted the mental health challenges I’d face. The marriage, the kids, the white picket fence… well, it just didn’t happen. It’s uncanny how few of us are able to live up to the perfect future we painted in our wide-eyed, optimistic youth.
But we also aren’t able to predict the good, unexpected stuff either. Like the arts school I attended, where I got to meet other weird, emotive, creative-types who became soul mates, or the punk rock crew who made me feel less alone in the world. I couldn’t have forecasted that music would almost break me, but at the same time, would show me how strong I actually was. Nor could I have known that meditation would become a 30-year passion that would ground me through the most difficult times in my life, teach me that pain was the greatest path to wisdom, and give my heart a place to land. And of course, I certainly couldn’t have expected to end up with a dream job like the one I have today, where I get to support people as they make their way through their own path in life.
It’s a collection of painful and beautiful moments that brought me where I am today. On most days, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. And yet, of course, I still have struggles. Just because I’m a mindfulness teacher, I’m not exempt from the suffering that comes with being human. The idea that there is never more work to be done is a myth.
Today, as I write these words, in many ways I’ve come full circle. After years of striving, I now know what it means to let go. I continue to do the work of healing, and still have anger to release, but my heart feels softer and more open than it’s ever been. I’m also re-connecting to what brought me the most joy in my youth. Twenty-five years ago, I gave up music, which was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. A few months ago, I found the courage to buy myself a new guitar, amp and keyboard, and I plan to compose some sweet music again.
What’s next? I can’t be sure. But here I am… And in the meantime, let’s walk this path together, shall we?
